Phase One: Tension Building
|
MAN
|
WOMAN
|
 | Anger in low stage |
| Verbal harassment of woman
 | degrades her |
|
| Minor battering & humiliating incidents which become
increasingly frequent |
| Awareness
| confining behavior to home |
|
| Growing fear that woman will leave |
| Increase in possessiveness, jealousy |
| Increased surveillance of her activities |
| Increase in aggressiveness as frustration builds |
| Increase in stress anxiety, angry |
|
| Nurturing, compliant, accepting |
| Does everything she can to "keep peace" |
| Denial of anger |
| Justification of man's behavior |
| Blame on outside stressors |
| Assumption of responsibility to manage man's behavior, covering up |
| Alienation of helpful others, withdrawal |
| Increase in stress, anxiety, anger, terror |
|
Phase Two: Acute Battering
|
MAN
|
WOMAN
|
| Characterized by lack of predictability, lack of control, and major
destructiveness |
| Violent discharge of tension, i.e. RAGE |
| "Teach her a lesson" |
| Justification: blaming on woman |
| Impaired awareness |
| Emotional exhaustion |
| Control of ending of phase |
| Decrease in self-esteem |
|
| Passive acceptance |
| Learned helplessness: belief that it's futile to try to escape or
resist |
| Distancing, dissociation, disbelief |
| Minimizing of injuries |
| Emotional collapse - 24-28 hours later |
| Listlessness, depression |
| Isolation |
| Delayed seeking of help |
| Decrease in self-esteem |
|
Phase Three: Calm Lull Loving
|
MAN
|
WOMAN
|
| Loving, contrite, kind |
| Asks forgiveness |
| Promises "never again" |
| Dependency on woman's acceptance and validation of self |
| Ambivalence about self |
|
| Complete victimization |
| Guilt about leaving |
| Responsibility for the man |
| Belief in man: hope he will change |
| Reinforcement for staying |
| Feels needed, validated, elevated |
| Ambivalence about self |
|
The cycle then begins again and a symbiotic bonding is completed. Both the
man and the woman feel total dependence on each other.
How
to Get Saved and Know It